On the 20th of April, I had the best birthday I’ve had in such a long time.
I think every once in a while, it’s so important to think about what you have – the people around you that love you and the people around you that you love. What matters most in life is them, without a question.
I spent all of my teenage years living in an extremely abusive home.
And after one fateful night where everything changed, and I left for good with just whatever I could reach and shove into my backpack (mostly stuffed animals, mind you), I felt this amazing sense of relief. To leave an abusive, toxic home with just a couple of things in a backpack – it’s terrifying. To be that vulnerable with literally just the clothes on your back and the sentimental things that you just couldn’t replace – it’s really so terrifying.
But I pulled through it all. I let myself cry, for the first time in years. Letting out all of the pent up emotions was so therapeutic. Just being able to do that, to breathe – I really felt like I had a fresh start. To rebuild, to grow out of that shell of an abused little girl, and to heal.
I would never have been able be where I am now if it weren’t for the special people who took me in, knowing where I came from and what I’d been through. I am so, so grateful and I feel like I’m living my life truly as me for the first time in so long.
And only now, half a year on, I can say that I’m starting to heal. Healing is vulnerability, it’s being open, and honest with yourself and others, and realizing that you deserve so much better and so much more – I’m so lucky I am surrounded by healers. Blood relation has nothing to do with who you find the most important in your life, I’ve learnt. And it’s so freeing – no matter who it is, you can find your family where you least expect.
I’m so grateful I’ve found mine.
When you’re old and grey, the things that will really make up the bulk of your life and memories are all the connections you’ve made with people in your life. Whether it’s having a nice chat with the supermarket checkout girl, or comforting a friend after a bad break-up – these are all the things that make us feel alive and make us feel human.
It took me so long on my personal journey that vulnerability isn’t weakness. Vulnerability is strength – the ability to still be soft and gentle and kind even after being through hell and back – that’s real strength.
“If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with the heart of an angel.” – Keanu Reeves
One of my favourite quotes at the moment – I hold it dear to my heart. I hope sharing a little piece of my journey can give someone, anyone out there some hope or help for their own. We’re all going through it – and we don’t have to do it alone. After the storm the flowers bloom ♥